When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
