i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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