Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
