Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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