am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
