if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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