Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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