the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
