The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
