i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
