Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
