ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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