I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Shame - the story of my life.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
