Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
