i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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