Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
