Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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