they need to just BURY HIM!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
