Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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