Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
