Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
