He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it's great music for shaving your balls
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
