i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
