I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think my vagina is haunted
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
