as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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