highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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