He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
