do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
