I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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