tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
