Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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