I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
