call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
