why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
