just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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