but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
