david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
