i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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