Got a toothbrush?
I will die if light touches me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
