very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
