get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
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