turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
