we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
