No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
