you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
