I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
not ubering you a puppy
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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