I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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