After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
