watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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