Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
