Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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