Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize