You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
