Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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