If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
