just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
