mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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