when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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