Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
