My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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