why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
