You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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