i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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