my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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