Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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