I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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