Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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