She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
