He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
